purple

So I have come to the conclusion that the picture above is one of the most beautiful things evaaaar, I love her hair and her skinny little shoulder. I'll have shoulders like those when I lose 15 pounds.

Anyhow. Dance competition this weekend along with Evening With The Arts. Probably doing both. Shall be busy. Then another stressful pre-comp week, then another competition, then FREEDOM. I shall get my hair cut and my ear pierced, and try to get my mom to buy a scale. It will be great.

16th April

I need a scale, a hair cut, my boyfriend to call me, and to get pierced.

Soon.

I'm actually using this thing to drone about my life

The boyfriend and I's half-year anniversary was on the 10th. It was a lot of fun...we went to a park, then out to dinner, then we hung around his place. It was nice and simple. I had a good time.
I've been feeling kind of blah lately. Not sleeping well, my hair is a mess, I'm tired of school, I've been weirdly creatively drained and I need a scale. Poop. I'm never going to lose weight if I can't weigh myself everyday. Oh well. I'm getting some film developed today -- that should cheer me up.
But anyhoo, I made a list of things I wanna do before or during summer, following my dear friend Meghna :)

1. Get my tragus pierced or get an industrial piercing
2. Buy some good pastels and use them
3. Lose 10+ pounds
4. Make a cellophane mask for the Holga
5. Find a new band I like every week
6. Get a sketchbook and pencils
7. Get my hair cut
8. Get a tan
9. Buy a Minolta x700
10. Go to master classes
11. Take pilates/yogalates
12. Get stronger for better extension
13. Tie-dye stuff
14. Learn to cook Thai
15. Learn to develop my own film
16. Try making/modifying my own clothes
17. Read more Don Delillo
18. Drink more tea
19. Get a summer job
20. Get better arms
21. Buy more instant film
22. Get involved in theatre stuff outside of school
23. Try to learn to sing
24. Expand my dancing
25. Get a new phone

l'été

Love this picture. Beautiful colors...and I love the feeling -- it's so demure, so contenting to look at. Why aren't people like that anymore?

I've been thinking about summer lately. I think it's going to be a good one. I'll be going to the MPulse (most likely!), I'll be able to go to Top more often, I might get a job, and then I'm starting at wtmc. I hope it's good...I'm looking forward to it too much for it not to be. I want to make a list of stuff I want to accomplish, following Meghna's suit. Things that will make me happy, not even happy -- just content. The best feeling ever. I might post it. I might not. I don't know.

There is one thing that I know I want to get done. I want to look better. It's partially the reason I love the picture above; the girl in the photo has such a beautiful body. I feel like I could look like that. I'm really committing to looking the way that pleases me.

No more "I'll start tomorrow".
I'm going to be pleased with myself for once...I've spent 15 years never being wholly happy with myself. Meh.

emo rant?

Sometimes I just want to know the answers to stuff. Just snap and know, right? I feel like such a hypocrite for wanting that, because it goes against what I believe. I like having to work to know things, sometimes. But there are some things...some things. I feel like making the effort to find them out would expose too much, weaken me too much. I'd rather just know. Not have to ask, not have to pry or fight, because I don't like doing that, I don't like being vulnerable. And it seems like you are always, always vulnerable when you're trying to find the answers.
[I'm not talking math homework]
That's the worst feeling to me. Even the want to know things feels bad -- it feels weak, it feels so Normal Teenage Girl. And I hate that.

Hmph. I won't spout off on feelings anymore -- it doesn't feel any better writing it than talking about it. Ugh.