Sometimes I just want to know the answers to stuff. Just snap and know, right? I feel like such a hypocrite for wanting that, because it goes against what I believe. I like having to work to know things, sometimes. But there are some things...some things. I feel like making the effort to find them out would expose too much, weaken me too much. I'd rather just know. Not have to ask, not have to pry or fight, because I don't like doing that, I don't like being vulnerable. And it seems like you are always, always vulnerable when you're trying to find the answers.
[I'm not talking math homework]
That's the worst feeling to me. Even the want to know things feels bad -- it feels weak, it feels so Normal Teenage Girl. And I hate that.
Hmph. I won't spout off on feelings anymore -- it doesn't feel any better writing it than talking about it. Ugh.